Friday, June 6, 2008

Story of my life?

more cat pictures

As part of my preparation for this surgery, I take a weekly class. We work on many of the skills and learn information we'll need in order to be successful. You can't just let them cut your tummy apart, give you a pouch the size of a golf ball and think all your problems will be solved. Many are just beginning.

We have homework every week. This week, we have to write out our story, specifically, our history with food and weight issues, what things we think affect our weight, our perceptions about weight loss and what it takes for us to actually take off the pounds. I love writing, even though I don't do it often enough here. I'm enjoying the project but doubt they counted on someone as verbose as I am. I'm guessing we won't show what's in our story to anyone; which is good. It's not a novel like to win any prizes but it's turning into a novel. What's come out of it so far has been interesting, though.

A few things I hadn't thought about until now:
  • My background is hugely food-centric. My dad has a Masters in Hotel, Restaurant and Institutional Management and worked in the food service industry the whole time I was growing up. He even helped me apply for my first three jobs, all of them in the food service industry. I'm not saying this was a bad thing; it wasn't. I'm just saying food has been part of my life, not just as a means of survival but as a means of attaining the means of survival, for as long as I remember.
  • I've been binge eating since I was 13 or 14. I never thought of it that way, but there's not really any other way to explain a 95lb, 4' 11" girl eating a fully loaded double cheeseburger, large onion rings and Pepsi the size of a hot tub.
  • I've used food as a means of taking control of my life. and rebelling against... everything. When I ordered that double cheeseburger during lunch at school, I was making my own decision; my mom couldn't tell me no. When I bought candy and junk food with my first paychecks and then hid them in my room, I was controlling my life in a small way. I was a rebellious kid but I never snuck out, I never did drugs or drank. I ate instead. I never thought about it, but my unconscious decision's worked out as well for me as theirs did for many of my classmates who chose less legal, more drastic options.

I said two years ago I was on a journey to smaller pant sizes (and beyond). I still am; I may have gotten detoured but I think I'm back on track at last.

1 comment:

Eric said...

Sending you lots of hugs and assurance! You can do this. :)

Long time no see. I'm *trying* to get my blog going again. Glad to see you're still writing to yours. :)