Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Climb that Mountain; Ditch the Donuts


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Sometimes the people who are trying to be the nicest to you are the ones who hold us back most.

In my classes, we are supposed to identify our saboteurs; I'm sad to say that Cowboy is one and most of my coworkers are as well. They all love me, I know, but Cowboy says helpful things like "it's OK honey, you just can't lose weight like other people". He was shocked and confused when I practically clawed his eyes out for saying it. When I calmed down, I had to explain that the support I need from him most is to remind me that I can lose weight like everybody else: by eating less and moving more. The surgery will help me do the one for a while, it's true, but in the end, I have to work at this every day for the rest of my life.

My coworkers know how hard I'm working on eating right and preparing for the surgery but sometimes they still bring in donuts, cakes and cookies, sometimes with the reasoning that I should enjoy them now, while I still can. I'm determined not to mourn that way for food. I will NOT put on weight before this surgery. When my day comes, I will already be eating the way (if not the amounts) that I will be for the rest of my life. I know that after a year or so, I'll be able to have small amounts of sugar without getting sick. I've made up my mind to get used to that now, not wait for the surgery to force me to give them up.

I know that people who lose large amounts of weight, with or without surgery, plan most of their meals and spend a lot of time and energy making sure they have the right food available. I'm doing the same; packing lunches, planning ahead, grocery shopping for myself almost separately from the rest of the family.

It's working too... most of the time...

Sunday I did really well, saying no to cake and ice cream at my nephew's birthday party. Unfortunately, I went so long between meals that I was starving by the time we got home and overate that night. I probably saved some calories skipping the sweets but would have served myself better to have taken a filling, sugar-free treat to the party so I wouldn't be ravenous later.

Yesterday, some sweet but misguided people on my team were trying to talk me into eating a donut. I was laughing but I was serious about saying no. They eventually placed an entire box, open, on my desk in front of me. I could have cried from frustration. I know they mean well but I make a food plan every day and yesterday donuts weren't on that plan. It was exhausting sticking to my plan but I did it.

On the other hand, I did not walk last night.

I used up all my energy resisting Dunkin Donuts!

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