Christmas Newsletter

I am a schlub.

Seriously, not only do I not send Christmas cards, there's no freakin' way I have the energy to write and to send a Christmas Newsletter. But I do have to say, these newsletters make me feel even more schlubby than usual. Not only do I not send Christmas cards, I also didn't design and create my daughter's prom dresses, Cowboy didn't run a marathon and none of my children graduated from the MIT/Harvard/Yale/Stanford Prepartory school two years early as the valedictorian.

Sometimes the evil snarky part of me wishes for the newsletters with the truth of things like, the reason hubby had the time to train for a marathon is that he's been out of work for year. The aftermath of the child pushed to graduate early with honors is a self centered, ulcer ridden ego maniac and $1,450,000 in school loans. Those custom designed and created prom dresses cost 5x as much as any ever purchased at Macy's.

I was going to write the 'real' Christmas newsletter and thought myself very clever until I realized that's been blogged to death. Call me unoriginal. Then I thought of writing Christmas Newsletters for various famous movies, mostly John Hughes films. Also unoriginal. Newsletters from my pets? Yawn. Argh.

I give. Here it is. The McClurg Family Newsletter, good and not so good.

(standard opening)
It's been a busy year here in the McClurg household!

This year Amanda's teeth paid for us to go to Las Vegas tax free. Flexible Spending reimbursement, yay! Cowboy and I had a wonderful time with my friend Aimee and her boyfriend. We'd give you details but some of them are too risque even for the Internet!

I went through four complete wardrobes, spending probably 20% of our income as I whipped through several sizes. I have extra skin enough to donate for 10,000 grafts OR go as a "flying squirrel" to Halloween next year without buying a costume. I have also embarked on a new project at work which is unpaid and unsung. Actually, it's sort of sung. I'd been doing the job illicitly for a year. Now at least I can call myself 'legit.' But I won't call myself 'legit' because my children use that word with annoying inaccuracy. "I do not think it means what you think it means.' Like all things career driven, if I do this unpaid job for a year, I may be able to apply for the paid position for real.

We now have three children in high school, which is almost unimaginably expensive. On the upside: nobody's gotten killed, pregnant or arrested, which doesn't seem like such a big deal until you turn on the evening news.

This spring, Cowboy won a competition naming him Go Automotive Network's top Technician in Colorado. He's looking forward to competing again early next year and hopes to compete in Go's first-ever National event. Never fear, we found a use for the 50" LCD TV prize, even though we had purchased it's twin a month before. We all knew he was a superstar. Finally, some recognition for it!

Cheryl had two most boring (awesome) Parent Teacher conferences ever because she's a stellar second grader ever. Also a plus, we found out that she isn't hard of hearing. We'd been afraid that she might have hearing problems because at home she yells. A lot. Turns out she uses a perfectly normal, acceptable voice at school. She yells at home because our house is loud. Period.

Patrick was voted Class President for the third year in a row. Though he doesn't think his classmates like him, I have a feeling the votes indicate otherwise. The votes also confirm what I've known for years; this kid has charisma.

My brother, his wife and my darling niece are coming to share Christmas with us. Their arrival on Thursday will herald the first time he and I have celebrated Christmas together in 29 years. You read that absolutely right. To mark this momentous occasion, if I am brave enough (am I brave enough?) I plan to recreate my grandmother's famous Yule Log. I'm terrified. I don't follow baking directions. I follow the "that looks like enough" school of cooking. 'Nuff said.

To sum up: this year was filled with joy, fear, tears, hugs, giggles, private jokes, cuddles, fights, folly and triumph. Can't wait to do it all again.